The Five Continuing Conversations of Long Term Reationships -- Part 2 -- Children

Solomon wrote a Psalm -- Psalm 127 in which he states: "Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate. " Being that he had 700 wives and 300 concubines at the end I wonder how blessed he was? I don't even want to know what the logistics of that big a family should they all have produced at least one child would be. The thought on the production of the children in the first place with one man and 1000 women is enough to boggle the mind.

In any case if your headed to marriage one of the purposes of marriage is to produce and raise children. Any long term relationship that is going to have marriage at its end needs to talk about them.

There are a few issues that need to be discussed and continue to be discussed.

1. How many children do you want? Now in this day and age it is possible to choose if you are a believer in birth control, a subject we will take up in a few seconds. it can be very annoying to one half of the relationship if one of you wants twelve kids and the other only wants one. There are also some who figure it is God's choice how many kids you have, but then again sex is required which requires the couple to engage in it. If momma says I don't want any more and dad decided to leave in the hands of God then momma may just decide that sex is no longer in the cards. This will cause conflict. See why this discussion has to continue until both agree it is time to stop?

2. How are the children to be disciplined and who is going to do it? This one is important because if you don't have agreement about how the children will be brought up you are going to have fights of your own. It is also important that both parents do the discipline and respect the discipline of the other parent when it is done. There is nothing more annoying than to punish a child and then have the other spouse rescind it or not back it up. Both better be involved -- it is not fair for one spouse to always be the disciplinarian either -- take turns.

3. Birth Control? If your thinking about marriage you better know ahead of time if your going to use birth control or not. If the future momma is expecting to and the future dad doesn't believe in it your going to have a problem. The theology you have may be important on this issue and you better get into agreement. The continuing part involves when you have had the number of children you both want -- now what? -- who is going to do some thing permanent or are you going to wait using non-permanent solutions in case you change your mind?

4. Once the children leave the home and get married themsleves what are you going to do and how involved will you be?

In all cases agreement is important and as the situation changes you need to keep talking.

Next -- Finances