Sex. A wonderful word isn't it? I am often reminded that this I one of those things you just don't talk about in polite Christian society but then again on this subject I am a bit of a rebel.
My personal belief is that sex is best enjoyed and has its greatest fulfillment when it is marriage. The only thing that keeps it in this boundary is the will of people to do so. That said, I believe the greatest reason why sex is now out of this boundary in abundance is not that the Western world has gone sex crazy, but that Christians have in large part not given themselves to Sexual Education of their members and what Sexual Education is being offered in the world, Christians have reacted in a way that has made the situation worse. Had the church been engaged in proper sexual education we may have not had this problem in the first place.
For the majority of Christian young people growing up in your typical conservative church for the last 50 years the sexual education ha been something like this:
"Don't until your married!"
That's it.
Others when considering marriage might get a little more, if the pastor is not too embarrassed to talk about it. There might be a discussion on the purposes of sex in marriage -- keep us free from sin, produce children, etc., but then after marriage -- nothing.
Needless to say, this is not going to be adequate in a culture where sex and education on sex is on every newsstand. If you don't believe me walk by a checkout counter and check out the cover of the latest issue of Cosmo. What Christian young people, before and after marriage, began to experience is that if their going to get some real information on sex, they are going to have to search for it elsewhere -- their church is no help. What they run into in the world is often lacking in an Biblical ethics, but it is educational.
In the schools and colleges of this world this becomes more pronounced and the education given is, in my opinion, causing a great health risk for our young people through the myth that their is such a thing as safe sex through contraception. All sex has risk unless it is done by two virgins and then those two virgins keep to each other for their rest of their life. Marriage is the vehicle for this in this world as given by God.
The world is talking very frankly and openly about sex and the church better realize that to not discuss these things in an open manner without embarrassment is causing part of the problem. When discussing sex most Christians look like rank amateurs and it creates an impression, one that is rightly deserved, that we really do not know much. If they do get any impression it is that we are obsessed with the absence of sexual activity rather than what is permissible.
This needs to change:
1. We need to talk about the benefits of sexual activity in the context of marriage. Particularly the fun part of sexual activity and that is why sex should be enjoyed and pursued, not avoided, when a couple gets married. We need to show that sexual activity before marriage actually ruins this fun and promotes lack of sexual skill. Sorry people that are promiscuous have fun with sex and that cannot be denied, but I don't think they are very skilled lovers, because once they use up all they know they move on. Try keeping another person satisfied sexually for life and succeed and then you can say you are a successful lover.
2. We need to talk more openly about sex in a way that genuinely responsive to what the people are saying in the world. Too much of what we have done her is -- 'taste not, touch not, handle not" -- will worship.
3. Our young people need to hear information from us that is positive and biblically based before and after marriage about sex. I imagine some people are better natural lovers than others but knowledge helps everyone become better.
One thing I suggest is to actually take Song of Solomon seriously in what it is presenting about sexual activity. But that is a subject of another later post.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Dad I have some questions about marriage and sex that a friend asked me today. He says he thinks the reason young people have more sex today is because in early times people married at a very young teen age, actually about when the sex drive kicks in, so he said that because of the push back on marriage ages it has caused us to think that pre-marital sex is the problem when really it is the marriage age. What is your take on his toughts
ReplyDeleteHe might have a point. The average marriage age in this country used to be much younger, say 14-16. In many cultures this is still the norm. At the same time, age is still not a determining factor for sex in marriage from a Chirstian point of view. This issue is one of purity before God and each other. The fact is a person's sex drive can be controlled at any age. Even in marriage, isn't it the case that we ask people to be faithful to each other and not to mess around. Self Control is still a factor no matter what a person's sex drive might tell them or their age.
ReplyDeleteOur culture has changed so much that now we do ask people to wait for marriage because it would be very bad for them economically. Its true. If you want to be financially well off.
1. Don't get married before age 21
2. Don't have children before marriage
Satistically people who do these two things are better off than those that don't.
More than all these factors is the 'liberation' of women through a change in culture and birth control. Before a woman would control herself more because of the risk of pregnancy but this can be controled (not perfectly)with birth control and I might add abortion on demand. Women have also learned to use sex as a tool to control men instead of something to share with a husband.
There was also tremendous cultural pressure for a girl (and boys for that matter) to be a virgin on her wedding day and this was true as late as the 1950s. Since the Sexual Revolution running from the 1960s to the 1980s virginity is less expected. In some cases it is looked at as a liability.
Your friend has a point because once puberty hits a young person they are biologically ready to reproduce and God's design is that they are drawn to each other, however no amount of fleshly drive is supposed to rule out our self control. That is something that is no longer taught as now the message is -- 'You can't control yourself so make sure you have 'safe sex'". It's a lie. You can control yourself.
Just a few thoughts
One more thing I thought of this morning that also impacts the desire for sexual activity in young people -- the stigma that used to be attached to an unwed mother has been seriously deminished. Even if a girl risks pregnancy, she may not mind as much as she wont be stimatized like girls used ot be in the past. Whether this is agood thing or not is debatable but at the same time is also a factor.
ReplyDeleteAgreed,
ReplyDeleteDespite the truth of this all it is hard to reverse culture now days. Another thing to add which I thought of. In earlier days marriage was about love and by love I don't mean sex. You see because they loved each other sex was the fun part they had once marriage occured. Now in a culture where looks mean alot more then anything else and sex has become a hobby. I think more people want to have sex with someone now before marriage because they want to see if they like sex with that person, and of course in America sex is about looks more then it has ever been. I hear people all the time say that they don't want to get married and not like sex with that person. That tells you that marriage is not about true love but now has become about the love of sex. That in my mind has lead to more divorces because once someone gets bored with sex with that person they think it gives them a right to leave. If there was true love before marriage then sex would not become boring to them and they would never think about leaving the person they love.