The Five Continuing Conversations of Long Term Reationships -- Part 1 -- Religion

Weddings are wonderful things but I sometimes wonder if people understand the real issues involved in a long term relationship. I say long term relationship because my belief is a couple should be starting these conversations if they think they might be heading to something longer than a couple dates. The moment your thinking "I could be serious about this person" you should start having these conversations and they should last through dating, engagement and into marriage and beyond. The reason --these areas will be either strengths of a relationship or weaknesses based on whether or not you talk about them.

I do very few weddings because I still maintain traditional understandings of engagement and marriage and don't compromise on them. If your not into these understandings just head to the justice of the peace or magistrate or whatever and get married, don't call me because I am not going to bless a marriage God will not. To think God is going to bless something that hasn't been entered into in the way he prescribes is just silly.

1. I won't marry people who are living together -- 'but were not having sex." Then you won't mind moving out will you? Don't con me, the only reason a couple lives together is sex. It is about Eros love, so don't' lie to me please. One of you move out and commit yourself to refrain from sex until the wedding date and come back to me.
2. I don't marry people who have been divorced for unbiblical reasons -- a) Marital unfaithfulness and b) if the unbelieving spouse wanted the divorce.
3. I don't marry people unless they have had counseling and if they get it from me its a nine session process. Part of that process is these five continuing conversations.

The first conversation is religion -- if you don't have religious compatibility it is not going to work. Many problems result from this -- morals, ethics, child rearing, etc. Any issue involving what faith you have and your central core values is an issue of religion.
1. Suffice it to say Christians should not be marrying non Christians. Sorry it is going to lead to major problems and violates the principle of not being unequally yoked.
2. Christians that marry each other should at length discuss the differences between their beliefs and consider what implications that will have on their lives together.
3. Which church will you go to together? Sorry I think when one spouse goes one way and the other goes another it is bad business. It is important for any future children that they go where their parents go together. Church should be a family affair.
4. One note on politics -- for some people politics is their religion -- this is particularly true of secular liberals.
5. The significance of marriage being a picture of Christ and His church needs to be reflected on and acted on.

Once these issues are decided their needs to be a discussion on faith in the relationship for the rest of life:
1. Devotions together are important.
2. Talking about spiritual troubles and testimonies together is a great way to grow together so talk about your walk with God often both as individuals and as a couple.
3. Discussing how faith and the Bible should be applied to life is important.

Next: Part 2 -- Children