There are a few prelims to deal with in antagonistic situations. The biggest thing to remember is to make sure your dealing with an antagonistic situation. Conflict is normal in a church and if handled in a healthy manner can be constructive. Antagonism has two factors to look for. 1) A Person or persons who no matter what compromise is reached it is never enough. 2) Intense feelings that result only in anger and frustration.
One final thought -- remember some antagonists really, really believe they are doing the right thing, so communications may be very difficult. Antagonists do not want to reason or debate a point, they want to dominate and force their will on everyone else.
Steps in dealing with an antagonistic situation or person:
1. Pray -- you are engaging in spiritual warfare here. If you do not pray, you will be sucked up in the emotions of the situation instead of deal with it effectively. Pray and keep praying.
2. Confront them with the truth of the Word. Confrontation is difficult enough when it is opinion verses opinion, so make sure the Biblical question is addressed. If the antagonist has used gossip -- give evidence of it and point out verses that deal with that, etc.. Deal with everything and lay it on the line with the Bible.
3. If they refuse to listen, then take it to the board of the church. If it is the board that is the problem, then you might want to talk to the pastor and let him know he is not alone. Make a plan to talk to people and bring some people that agree with you to confront the person again with the problem.
4. If they fail to listen take it to the next meeting of the congregation. If it is only once a year, then call for one. If you are the pastor, do this. Don't be afraid but deal with it. If you are a member, find out how to call a church meeting and do so. Bring the matter up in the same way as before before the church. If the people still don't listen, move for their removal from the church. Even if you are not successful, a message will be sent. If you are successful, you will be surprise how much burden will lift off everyone in the church and the antagonists involved will get a wake up call.
If you are in leadership, stand your ground
If you are not in leadership, keep the support up and do something constructive. The biggest thing people can do is not gossip about the thing and confront gossip when you hear it.
Antagonists in power will of course fight this and may succeed in defeating you, but if that is the case then you will know one thing for sure -- the situation has been dealt with with one final step.
5. Contact denominational leadership, if you have any. If they do not help ( a situation that happens more and more these days-- I will deal with this in a later post) then you need to make some gut level decisions on your place in the church and whether to stay and continue to fight or leave.
One way or another, the situation will be dealt with and you will have some sense of resolution of the future. Hopefully the antagonists are gone (yes, this is a good thing), although you may have to deal with the gossip they spread after they leave. Don't hold out any illusions they will change until after they leave. If they haven't left, well you have decisions to make. Round Two or the Door. One note, if you are supporting the pastor and he has decided to stay -- stick with him. If he has decided to leave, stay with him to the last day.
Next: Recovering from Antagonism -- The Minister and His Family
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Excellent points! Since I became very involved in church about five years ago, this issue has been probably the most challenging for me. It's good to know other people understand and there is some sense to make of it.
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