Marriage and the Bible -- Part 17 -- Wives as Gifts

One thing that happens several times in the Old Testament account is on several occasions a man will give his daughter to a man in marriage for acts of valor or favors.
Do you get the feeling that this was about more than the surface? It was about making that man a part of his family. The obligations of this were BIG.

The only thing I wonder is how the girl would have felt about marrying someone simple because of obligation.

Next: Many Things Resurface.

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 16 -- The Law of Moses

Looking Back at the Law of Moses concerning the issue of marriage I think it is safe to say we can make the following observations:

1. In many ways marriage can be defined in the Law a a contract between a man and a woman for the purpose of having and raising children.

2. This definition is significantly different from the idea of a man and woman becoming 'one flesh'. To be husband and wife in this sense goes a little beyond just having a contract to have children. The idea of being open and intimate with each other start right at the beginning 'naked and unashamed' is what Adam and Eve were before sin enters the picture.

3. As human history unfolds, the nature of marriage changes in many ways. a) Very quickly on we realize incest as we know it must not have existed because Cain and Seth would have had to marry their sisters, but at this time this is not forbidden by the law. Only later is the idea of incestuous marriages introduced by the Law. b) Polygamy is introduced very early one as an acceptable form of marriage. It becomes one of the chief characteristics of many of the characters in Genesis -- Lamech, Abraham, Jacob and Esau all follow this model. In some senses polygamy almost seems to a necessity in the producing of children in case the first couple fails to conceive, the handmaiden can be brought into the mix to produce a child.

4. Marriages are often arranged by others. There is little of romantic love involved. This is not a bust however as many of the arranged marriages work out.

5.One issue is intermarrying between the godly lines and the ungodly ones. The results are often disastrous so in the end the Law forbids the children of Israel from intermarrying.

6. One law that puts an interesting wrinkle on things is the law of an older brother's seed being preserved through a younger brother. It really brings home the 'sexual contract' only view of marriage.

7. Another Law is the law that requires a man to marry a woman if he seduces her and in so doing gives up his right to divorce.

8. That brings about the issue of divorce -- marriage as contract whose obligations can be set aside by the husband.

The thing that is sure is that at the beginning you have a situation where marriage does not exist so much as two people become one flesh but once sin enters it seems necessary to provide marriage as a way of enforcing the idea. This contract idea begins to express itself in different ways but always culture intrudes to bury the original intent of 'husband and wife".

Next: Giving Brides as Prizes

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 15 -- Divorce

Probable the most significant development in the Law of Moses is the idea of divorce. Up to this moment, there has been no mention of the idea of divorce in the Scripture; then Moses adds a marriage law that dissolves marriage -- divorce. The Law of Divorce basically gave the man the power to send his wife away if he was no longer pleased with her. All he had to do was give her a writ of divorce. Once divorced he could take her back unless she married someone else in the interim. There is no record that women have this right to divorce.

one of the interests for me is how this reflects back on what marriage is -- it becomes a legal matter or contract that can be broken. This is a far cry from conceiving of marriage as being one flesh. It is simply a matter of law.

Next: The Law and Marriage

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 14 -- Other Laws Regarding Wives and Marriage

Now in the law there are many sundry laws regarding women and marriage that do apply to the discussion.
1. Exodus 20:17 includes not coveting a neighbors wife -- right up there with the rest of his possessions.
2. In the bond slave law Exodus 21:10 basically says that if a man takes a second wife he cannot reduce the rights of the first wife -- including sexual rights. A woman had sexual rights to her husband -- wonder if God was thinking of Leah?
3. Exodus 22:16 requires a man who seduces a virgin to take her as his wife and to give up his right to get rid of her. Deut. 22:19 and 29 restate this. I wonder what this would do to the unwed mother problem?
4. Leviticus 18 provides a life of relatives and relationships in which marriage is not allowed. A couple of interesting ones that a person is not allowed to marry a mother and daughter together or sisters together (Leah and Rachel?). Polygamy is assumed but now has some restrictions. Note: Both Abraham and Jacob would have been in trouble by these laws.
5. Leviticus 20:21 eliminates taking a brother's wife while he is still alive. If divorce takes place then a brother cannot have her. The law of a brother being required to take his older brother's wife to raise up inheritance still stays however.

What gets interesting is what is not condemned: polygamy. In fact there are some laws that assume its existence.

Next: Divorce

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 13 -- Wives as Possessions

What gets interesting as you get into the Law of Moses is the dealing with the idea of a woman as a wife also being a possession of the husband.
1. If a slave is given a wife for instance the wife still belongs to the owner unless the slave decides to bond himself to his master permanently.
2. Divorce is only one way -- it is almost like giving up title to a car today the way the law for divorce reads in the law.
3. Up till now wives are given and taken but there is almost no provision in the Bible for a woman to decided by her choice who she is to marry and the opposite is true for men.
4. The handmaiden laws and customs meant that in a sense the handmaiden was property of the mistress unless she gave that handmaiden to her husband -- then she became his.

Now this would change as we go along, but up till now what is presented by the Bible both in example and the law is women as a special kind of property. With some rights but not as much as men. We are still far from the end of this study, but if we were to stop here we would have to conclude women are a kind of property. Protected and valued, but property nonetheless.

Next: Other Laws Regarding Marriage and Women

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 12 -- Giving and Taking Wives

What has happened repeatedly so far is an interesting phenomena -- there is a contstant reference to 'giving' or 'taking' wives. A man is always in charge of this giving or taking. The father or other guardian gives or the future husband takes. The woman -- well she seems to just be caught in whatever the giving or taking does to them.

The one thing the Bible does not possess when it comes to marriage is that many times it has little to do with love and romance. Marriages are more about producing children than companionship. In those stories, sometimes a couple finds love either slightly before or after the marriage but for the most part marriage is about arrangement or situation but not about the happiness of the husband or wife.

This is why I am starting to see a concept of the simple fact any man and woman can be married. Whether or not they enjoy 'oneness' by being husband and wife seems to be a matter of choice and desire.

Next: Wives as Possessions

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 11 -- Joseph's Wife

Joseph's Wife was an Egyptian given to him by the Pharaoh. Two issues that merit a look:
1. The mixed marriage issue seems suspended at this point. God is not upset and the two half tribes do come from this woman
2. The idea of a person giving another man a wife and the woman not having much choice about it (or even the man in some cases) -- we will see this more in the future especially next post. You know you almost think women before they were married in this culture were like assets or trading cards. Not exactly the high view of person hood that many believe in today.

Next: The Giving of Wives

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 10 -- Judah and Tamar

The story of Judah and Tamar actually illustrates several points.
First, it introduces the custom of a younger brother raising up seed for his older brother. A custom that will later become part of the Law. Basically if the oldest brother died the next older brother would take his wife as his own wife in an attempt to raise up children for the inheritance. Marriage for other legal purposes is what is represented here. Not a lot of romance there but God actually sides with the idea because the guy who does not cooperate with the custom is killed by God.

Secondly, it introduces a possibility. If the second brother already has a wife this was not considered an exception to the rule. The second oldest brother would still have to take her as wife number two. Polygamy enforced by God and the Law.

In the story Tamar eventually has to take matters into her own hand and gets Judah to conceive a child with her by playing the prostitute. In the end, Judah becomes her husband although he never touches her again. Marriage here is about fulfilling the desires of culture to produce heirs as well as God's purpose in making sure this is done.

For me, this is starting to show a difference between people becoming one flesh -- husband and wife and marriage for other purposes. Judah and Tamar were married but were they united in the end as husband and wife? One Flesh? Probably not.

Next: Joseph's Foreign Wife

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 9 -- The Intermarrying Issue Again!

Of all the people in the Bible that most interpreters of Scripture get it wrong about, I think Simeon and Levi when they kill Hamor and Schechim and their men get the worst look of all.  The real idiot of the story is Jacob -- a) He does not seem to care one whit for his daughter getting RAPED and b) when he comes back from Laban he does not camp where he promised God he would (Bethel); had he done, so none of this would have happened.  Lesson: keep your promises to God and you don't open yourself up for this nonsense.  It also points out one of the flaws the family had -- favoratism.  Dinah was after all the daughter of Leah.

The reason I say this is that when Jacob curses both at the end of his life neither curse seems ot work and when you look at the Law of Moses later they actually fulfill it on two count's 1) The punishment for rape in the Law is death which is what Schechem recieved along with all those who would have protected him and 2) The Law will later specifically forbid intermarrying of the children of Israel with outsiders who are not Israelites with only one acception -- girls who were virgins from foreign lands who they conquered.  Jacob would allowed the violation of both principles.  Simeon and Levi will not allow it and through cleverness (they are outnumbered) they exact the proper punishment. 
 
In the end, history vindicates both Simeon and Levi.  Levi's tribe becomes the preisthood for Israel and Simeon does indeed get an inheritence in the land in the end.  In short Jacob's curses don't work.

The quesiton of intermarriage is not a race one; it is about faith and worship.  The issue is the draw of pagan spouses on their husbands or wives that would cause others to leave their faith in God.

Next: Judah and Tamar

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 8 -- Lest We Forget Esau

Esau is ultimately removed from God's plan.  Because he was a polygamist?  No.  Although he did marry several women including some daughters of Ishmael as well as a few local girls.  Esau's major grief to his parents when it came to his marriages was not how many, but who.  In short, Esau married women he did not consult his parents about and women who were idoloters.

What I think this illustrates is marriage can be bad by simply one thing -- having no consideration of the spiritual leanings and strength of your future spouse.  This draws the issue of marrying beleivers vs. non-beleivers into the discussion as well as parental involvment in a marriage.

Next: The Intermarrying Issue Again Already!

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 7 -- Jacob, Necessary Polygamist?

Changed the title because as I thought about it Jacob's polygamy, though he was tricked into it, becomes used by God to build the nation of Israel.  It is in fact the how of there are twelve tribes is due to Jacob's many children, possible becasue of his four wives. 

There are also several issues in this like Leah's basically being handed off to a man who didn't want her.  Still married but were they husband and wife?  Was their really a 'one flesh' relationship beyond the sexual between them?  Based on what happens -- probably not.  So what was their 'marriage'?   

One thing that does need to be considered is what would have happend had Jacob only had one wife and produced all his children through her.  Genetically, there would have been problems if this had been the case.  With four wives genetics spreads out and allows for more latitude.

The one thing that the story of Jacob's family does illustrate is the problems of a polygamist household.  Leah and Rachel basically have a baby making contest and when they can't do it anymore they involve the handmaidens.  But is this really a problem of polygamy itself or simply the way these marriages came about?  More likely the later.

Next: Lest We Forget Esau

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 6 -- Isaac's Arranged Marriage

Arranged Marriage. To many Westerners such a concept is repugnant but in the ancient Near East and in much of the world today it is actually the most common way a couple gets married. When you get down to it though this would cut through a lot of the garbage associated with 'finding the one".

Isaac's Father Abraham is the one with the idea and in the end the story is one of God's guidance although it will cause problems for one of Isaac and Rebecca's children later with a relative Laban. Overall, Isaac and Rebecca's' Marriage seems to be a happy one other than them each taking sides over their children.

Perhaps bringing in one's parents to help decided who you should marry isn't such a bad idea.

To recap so far, we haven't really passed the middle of Genesis and so far we have the following issues.
1. Marriage vs. Husband and Wife
2. Polygamy
3. Arranged Marriage
4. Marrying Relatives

Getting to be an interesting ride.

Next: Jacob, Super Polygamist?

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 5 -- Abraham the Polygamist

Now one thing that is often overlooked is that Abraham too was a polygamist but through a new concept at this point in the Bible -- concubinage. In the first case Hagar is offered to Abraham by Sarah (I always like to point out to people this was Sarah's idea). In Abraham's day this was common practice if the wife could not produce an heir, always nice to have a backup womb. Now we might argue that this was them not acting in faith. Maybe so but for the rest of Hagar's life she is considered to be Abraham's concubine/wife. In addition this is not the only concubine Abraham will take. After Sarah's death in Genesis 25, while Issac is being comforted by his new wife, Abraham takes a second concubine -- Keturah. She bears Abraham six children. Hagar is still alive. Two concubines for Abraham and the second one is by his own choice.

What this introduces to our discussion is the issue of concubinage -- the second class wife if you will. Basically, such wives are wives of convenience or necessity. They are their to bear the husband children but they and their children do not receive any inheritance after the husband's death should the first wife bear an heir. In Abraham's case both his concubines received stuff while he was alive but after he was dead only Isaac received the rest of his Father's inheritance. This is clearly a case of contractual obligation in a marriage and maybe defines the difference between a husband wife relationship by choice and a marriage agreement for practical purposes.

Next: Isaac's Arranged Marriage.

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 4 -- Abraham Marries His Sister

You know for all the talk of how Issac was the child of promise and he is, one of the interesting things about his parents Abraham and Sarah was that they had the same father. Two different mothers (another polygamist relationship) but they were brother and sister as well as husband and wife. Incest by the time Moses writes the Law but at this point apparently there is no such thing.
Who one can and cannot marry based on family relationship is something the Bible does deal with but the interesting thing about Genesis is that such concerns do not seem to be prevalent. The issue of why Sarah could not conceive may be as much an issue of family genetics as it was her own biology. Even to today the most common arranged marriage in many countries is to a member of the family.
The biblical issue is what is allowed and why. As time goes on the Bible becomes restrictive about who one can marry in the family but it does not completely get rid of it. If Moses is using Genesis as a basis for the Law that follows then it is interesting that Abraham's marriage to His sister will be illegal later. Changing nature of the God-man relationship? Probably.

Next: Abraham the Polygamist

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 3 -- Lamech and His Two Wives

Probably one of the most significant things about about the story of Lamech is his belief that God protected him because he was somehow greater than Cain even though he had murdered two men, although based on what he says is could have been self defense. In any case, that is not what is significant for this discussion. What is significant is Lamech is the Bible's first recorded polygamist. This introduces polygamy very early into our discussion on marriage.

One of the arguments I have read from several sources against polygamy is that Lamech was of the line of Cain and therefore polygamy's origins are suspect in an ungodly line. I find this argument a little unsatisfying because it is an argument from silence. Just because no one in Seth's line is referenced to have more than one wife does not mean it didn't exist. All the children's names are not mentioned either so it does not mean they didn't have names. In addition the text itself does not say Lamech was the first polygamist ever; the only reason he is being recorded is because of his belief he would be revenged seventy fold, he just addressed this to his two wives so their existence is recorded.

In addition, if we refrain from everything that the line of Cain invented then we need to stop: Living in tents and herding livestock, playing music, doing metalwork, etc. because it was the line of Cain that invented all these things as well.

What is really curious is that God is silent about the issue. The mention of multiple wives seems to be as matter of fact as if he had told people Lamech was bald. The morality of polygamy really is not an issue here, the only thing we can really say is that polygamy has been around for a LONG time.

Next: Abraham Marries His Sister

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 2 -- Were Adam and Eve Married?

It is an interesting question because we have certain notions of what it means when people get married but in the story of Creation none of those notions really exist: No ceremony, no vows, no license with a civil authority, etc.

What we do have is a statement by Adam -- "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man." Not exactly classic vows are they? And Eve says nothing. What follows are verses 24-25 which are commentary by Moses in a way -- "For this reason..." tells us that this story guided Moses' understanding about the significance of this action. He gives three things that seem to constitute a couple becoming husband and wife:
1. The man leaves his mother and father -- there must be a desire by the man to form his own household. He desires to take authority and start a family.
2. The man is joined to his wife -- now 'joined' could have multiple meanings but to put it in basic terms the couple forms their own household together and has sexual intercourse which makes them....
3. They become one flesh -- What God took apart is put back together and made one.
4. From then on they are naked and unashamed -- their relationship is open with no fear.

Notice that all that really matters is the formation of a household that is separate, sex and openness with no shame toward each other. Not a whole lot of romance in this story but then again if Eve asked Adam -- "Do you love me?" his response is -- "Who else?" There is also not a lot of cultural garbage attached to this either. No vows indicates Adam and his wife simply understood what it meant for them to be together. No ceremony meant they didn't real pronounce to any community other than the two of themselves and God that they were married. No licence indicates there were no obligations to law. They only had spiritual obligations to each other and God.

Husband and wife -- yes. Married -- by our cultural and religious standards -- No. Just a couple who just starts being together intimately in all senses right out of the gate. Maybe by God's standards, but the question of marriage isn't answered here. Marriage may be all the vows and crap, but being husband and wife is far more a constant thing and that is the nature of the question.

Next: Lamech and his two wives.

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 1 -- The Questions

New Series. I know I still have Series on Revelation out there but I am not ready to continue it so I am looking at something new.

Marriage. Now i am not going to give 7 steps to a healthier marriage. I am also not here to reinforce what everyone says marriage is my question is -- What does the Bible Say Marriage is? When does God according to his word recognize that a couple is married? These two questions have a whole batch of questions tagged with them.

1. Is there a difference between marriage and being husband and wife? Some say there is, are they right?

2. Does a license, vows and sexual intercourse constitute marriage or does the Bible give an actual moment of marriage that is definable?

3. Are other types of marriage bonds acceptable? Polygamy? Homosexual? Group?

4. Can someone become unmarried to God's view? Divorce?

Now other questions may come up but these are good for starters. My method will be much the same as always: Observe what the Bible says, try to interpret what it means, apply it to real life and the draw it all together with what I already know.

Next: Were Adam and Eve Married?

Tiptoeing Through the TULIPs -- Part 5 -- I -- Irresistable Grace or God the Spiritual Rapist

Oh boy, Whenever I write on this topic I get 'fan' mail. One major problem is that not all Calvinist go this far, but to be blunt if T,U and L are true then I is inevitable. You can dance around it but in the end God's grace is irresistible if election is unconditional. If God has elected you to salvation you are forced to accept his grace.

The doctrine of irresistible grace states basically this: that once God has decided to give his grace to you (See unconditional election) you cannot resist it and you will become saved. Like it or not.

Between this and P -- Perseverance Of The Saints (which I will deal with next week) you get the basis for Once Saved Always Saved (OSAS). But more on that next week.

My largest problem with this is the image it creates of God that is highly unbiblical.

1) God only presents his grace to the elect. I find a universality in the Scripture of who gets loved by God -- Everyone. If every person is loved by God then why would he only make grace irresistible to those who he has made elect.
2) Faith coming exclusively from God. God only gives faith that saves to those he chooses. The fact remains that when our faith is talked about, it is always given the possessive to us. The Bible never describes faith as God's through us, but ours -- 'your faith' is always the idea. "Your faith has made you whole." etc., etc.
3) Throughout the Old Testament God's people are repeatedly described by God as being rebellious, but what difference would it make if God's grace is irresistible? None. Here we have God going on and on through the prophets calling his people back to him if such a call was irresistible in the first place. God does not work this way in the whole counsel of God.

To further my point, I would like to use an analogy that is common is Scripture. Marriage. The image of marriage is often used of God and his people. Now if this doctrine is true this is how covenant works with God. God proposes the covenant of marriage to you. You not only must say yes but you cannot help but say yes. You have been drugged by god so that you cannot help but say yes. Once you have said yes, God forces himself upon you in relationship and intimacy with him. This would be like me proposing marriage to my wife and then telling her she cannot help but say yes. In fact I am going to answer for her and say yes by taking over her mind and will to make her. Once we are married, I take her home with me and she must do what ever I will. She cannot refuse me for I keep her drugged so she never can resist anything I want to do. There is no love here in such a relationship -- constant spiritual rape is more like it.

Paula and others pay attention here.

I think salvation works more on the line of what engagement and marriage is supposed to be like: When I asked my wife to marry me I waited for her response. I CHOSE Her but she had to say 'yes'. Her saying 'yes' is nothing she did to earn my love, it is simply an acceptance of my offer and gift. Once yes was said did that mean my wife suddenly lost her will and she had nothing to say about how she and i walked in relationship? I think not. Such covenant relationships require give and take on both sides. If she goes out and fools around and no longer want to be married to me -- divorce takes place the covenant is broken.

In the same way God chose me and offered me his salvation but I still had to say yes. To say yes I must believe in Christ's resurrection and confess His Lordship over my life. (Romans 10:9-10) Was I doing 'a work' by doing this? No, all I did was accept an offered gift. Once done, I have said yes, but that does not mean the covenant does not have to be maintained. If I ever stop believing in the resurrection of Christ or, by my life, no longer confess the Lordship of Christ -- the covenant is broken. Conditions exist in this covenant and they are to be maintained or the covenant is gone. Read Deuteronomy for an example of this idea between God and his people.

Next: P - Perseverance of the Saint or Nothing Can Stop Us Now.

Sexuality, The Church and America -- Part 7 -- How Should the Church React to All This?

To begin with let us recap the issues I have dealt with in this series:

1. Public Nudity
2. Pornography
3. Homosexual Marriage
4. Friends with Fringe Benefits
5. Polygamy
6. Legalized Prostitution

All of these issues are hot button topics and if you ask your average Christian religious right person about these issues you would get the traditional -- "Well I'm Against Them". This of course causes the left to respond with a loud voice saying -- "Well, how typically knee jerk of you" and "Isn't it just like Christians to try to control peoples' lives and behavior". It wouldn't so bad but many times they are right.

Compounding the problem is the fact that most Christians when dealing with these issues have never really examined them for themselves with Bible in hand. Most of the time it is group psychology thing where because 'the pastor and church say it's wrong, I am going too as well'. Hate to say it but the accusation by the left that Christians do not think through issues but religiously follow traditions is in many cases true. We also have a tendency to be dogmatic about these things even when faced with Biblical evidence that our views might be faulty in some way. We cling to our views and then try to find a new interpretation of the passages in question to keep them. This is BAD! Our response to any issue including the sexual ones of our culture should be based on the following factors:

1. What is the Biblical view of the issue:
2. What are the realities of the issue and how do they differ from the Bible
3. What does the Bible recommend as a course of action in dealing with the issue

In doing so we need to remember that the United States is not Israel of the Old Testament and the notion that somehow our jobs as Christians is to create a holy state here in the west is nonsense. Even if this so, it is obvious to me our tactics are not working because over the last 50 years we have watched the Christians go from being the dominate force in the culture to being a mere subculture. Every time there has been a change in our culture, we have reacted in such a way as to drive people from the pews. Why? Because in almost every case we have looked very religious and very self righteous. This is not going to win friends and influence people.

When it comes to the Bible on these issues we actually only have clear Bible on 3 and 4 -- Homosexual marriage and Friends with Fringe Benefits. Both are declared as sins by the Bible so it is not difficult to say these are wrong and should be avoided. The others are not so clear.

Nakedness for instance is very difficult to define Biblically and thus affects the issues of Public Nudity and Pornography. Nakedness and modesty are spiritual conditions based on the passages we do find on the subject, not a state of dress or undress. Particularly, when it comes to women going topless the Bible is remarkably silent in equalizing nudity with women's breasts. We are not to look at someone with lust in our hearts and thus commit adultery with them, but where does this lust come from? Nakedness and Pornography? The Bible does not indicate this as the source but our own hearts. If this is the case, then is the battle really with society or with the hearts of men and women including our own? I think it is with human hearts.

Polygamy makes the situation even worse because Biblically we actually have some support for the practice. It becomes difficult to look down our noses when some of the great characters were polygamous.

Legalized prostitution Biblically of course has its problems in that it promotes the two big no-nos for the Christian adultery and fornication. At the same time, how do you get rid of it being that it is so pervasive in every culture? As long as people have lusts in their hearts and want to control their time and place of sin, there will be prostitution. I take an interesting approach to the problem because I do not think outlawing it will stop it or hinder it. The is no surer way to curb a behavior than to legalize it, regulate it and tax it. You could do something similar with pornography.

The action to take on these things I am going to propose is not going to sit well with most Christians but at the same time I think it is Biblical.

1. Where the Bible is silent or supportive -- let it go. I think toplessness for women and polygamy fall in this category. If you are not standing on the Word on these issues where are you standing? These two simply have no way to fight them with Biblical justification it is simple a matter of what is tolerated by the culture.

2. Where the Bible is clearly against a behavior, make sure it is dealt with internally before turning external. The biggest failure of Christianity in America is the fact we are very quick to notice the motes in society's eyes while ignoring planks in our own. The rate of pornography use, infidelity and divorce is just as high in the church as it is outside of it. Who are we to judge others when the problem is in ourselves. The prophet who stands and decries his society and then does the same things himself is a hypocrite.

3. We need to get it into our head that people in the world who are not Christians are going to do what they do - sin. The resulting attitude that we as Christians should have is not to be self righteous about it, but to look at them as Jesus did -- with compassion. See Jesus Luke 7:36-50 in particular when dealing with sins of this nature. So as we turn external it should be with an attitude of 'if not for the grace of God, there go I" not this 'I am better than you because I don't do that" attitude that turns people off.

4. Quit relying on carnal weapons. Christians turn quicker to petitions, picket lines and political action that they do prayer and supplication to God. One of the greatest weapons we have is the gospel itself that changes peoples' hearts. We do not use it nearly as much as the others that are worldly.

5. Act as a citizen when you can but be humble about it. I vote and I am not saying that a Christian should not be active in his or her country but that is not ultimately how you are going to change a society. What you will get is a bunch of people who think their freedoms have been infringed upon again by those nutty Christians. I am not against mobilizing, but go find people that agree and motivate them, don't try to persuade or coerce those that oppose you with self righteous and judgmental tactics.

Over the coming weeks we may dive into some or all of these issues further but this series was to lay it our there to see what we could find initially.

Finis

Sexuality, the Church and America -- Part 4 -- Friends with Fringe Benefits

I first heard the term 'friends with fringe benefits' back about ten years ago but it seems to have gained steam over the years. The term basically refers to a couple or other situation that people are not considering any long term relationship but are willing to have casual sex. In my ministry, I have encountered several couples who had this sort of relationship. 'Were just friends' but then a long passionate kiss or comment later and it is clear that the friendship is more than platonic. It is a sexual friendship with no expectation that it will be anything other than that.

Casual sex is making a comeback of sorts. The sexual revolution of the 70s was big but the AIDS issue of the 80s slowed things down a bit. Recently though it seems it is getting larger again, probably do to the fact of increasingly open sexual education, a topic of mine for an earlier post, but for now lets deal with the existence of casual sex and who it affects. Well, just about everybody. Since I have turned forty, my e-mail has had no less than three spam type e-mails inviting me to join sites that for all practical purposes are not about relationships but casual sex. Also my advertising that gets place in front of me while I am getting my e-mail has much the same thing in the sidebar from time to time. Don't think this is odd, I hear it happens to everybody because the assumption is that once you hit mid life you want to take chances and do something different and one of the areas this happens most often is sex.

Why is this dangerous? Because it assumes that sex is purely a physical act for fun with no other possible consequences other than pregnancy (which can be avoided through birth control) or a STD (avoided through condom use). These two issues aside, the fact is there is something going on here that goes larger than just the physical.

What exactly happens when a couple has sexual intercourse? The Bible describes this in a couple of ways:
1. 'Knowing' -- Adam knew his wife.... -- more than just sex it is a knowing of the other person in a way you cannot know someone without sex. From personal experience I can tell you there are things I know about my wife's spirit, emotions, mind and body that no one else knows because I have had sex with her and she with me. These things no one else will every know unless we violate our marriage covenant. Which I have no plans on doing, of course, but such a violation causes such knowledge to leak out to others who have no business knowing what we know, should it take place.
2. Becoming one flesh. The union of husband and wife is called this but Paul also uses this term do describe the actions of a man and and a harlot -- 1 Corinthians 6:12-20 (verses 15-16 in particular).

Looking at sexual intercourse theologically this means that something happens every time sexual intercourse takes place that is a knowing of the other person on all levels that binds a person to the other and makes them one flesh. When sin is committed in sex, it usually involves not respecting this union and the spiritual and mental/emotional side of it as well.

This is why the Law of Moses prescribed automatic marriage for couples caught in fornication. 'Dad I'm pregnant and Jake is the father" had automatic consequences -- the man and woman were married immediately and the man lost his option to divorce the girl. (I wonder what would happen if we enforced that one today?). The union was assumed and sex is what caused it to happen.

Paul comments directly on this in relationship to fornication (in his case fornication was the casual sex involved in pagan rites of worship) and makes the following points in 1 Corinthians 6:
1. The body is for the Lord
2. God has raised us up by His power
3. Our bodies are thus members of Christ
4. If we join in fornication with someone we are making the body of Christ joined with that person in fornication -- in his case he says by doing this a person was making the body of Christ a member with a harlot.
5. Regardless if there is a marriage covenant or not, sexual intercourse makes two people one in the spirit as well as flesh.
6. Fornication is a sin against a person's own body for we are joined to Christ
7. Our body is the temple of the holy Spirit we should treat it accordingly.
8. Because we have been bought with a price, including our bodies, we should glorify the Lord in our bodies.

Now, lets get back to this friends with fringe benefits thing. The fact is that when you and you friend have sex you are joining yourself to at all levels (spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically). This has an affect on all these areas because once you come apart from each other and go different ways you will never be the same because you know the other person in a way others do not on all levels. That is until you or they have sex with someone else. Regardless of what you think is happening this is what the Bible says is happening. Our society and culture may have changed, but the Word of God has not. This why, no matter what people may say about it, people are unhappy about their casual sexual relationships over time. Because there you are 'knowing' someone intimately but forcing yourself to deny it. It is this denial that something is wrong and our effective treating each other as objects for sexual gratification that cause this -- SIN.

Now I have no problem with the idea that sex is fun and should be fun. What I have a problem with is that you can have fun with sex without commitment in marriage without spiritual and other consequences before yourself and God and your relationship to him will suffer for it. When you first treat the person as a person by committing yourself to them for life in marriage and then explore the fun of sex, then the 'knowing' gained can be shared in complete confidence and trust.

For the Christian there can be no such thing as 'friends with fringe benefits'. The church therefore must take an active stand against such relationships in any way it can without being a bunch of moral judges that condemn people. This sin is pardonable and once true salvation enters, then and only then does the law of God really come in force. My personal stance has always been to tell such couples to forget me marrying them and just head to the justice of the peace, magistrate or whatever and get the piece of paper. You are already married just let the law know it.

IMHO

Next: Polygamy